Across the Great United States
by KakoimonoMiyu
Summary: Journal-style! Nny, Squee, Zim, Gir, Dib, myself, and my friend Blair decide to take a road trip across the United States. God save us. Sorry for a bit of OoC-ness.
1. November 20th - Here we go!

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Across the Great United States

Yay! This was co-written with my good buddy Blair!

DISCLAIMER: Wow, um.. Everyone b'longs to Jhonen (that's Jhonen Vasquez for all you people that, uh.. denno who he is. But if you dun know who he is… Why are you in this category?!) 'cept for me and Blair. *Nod, nod*

Sidenote: I wrote the entries for Nny, Squee, myself (Kris), Zim, and Gir. Blair wrote the entries for Dib and herself.

Tuesday, November 20th, 2001. 12:00 P.M.

Nny's entry: Dear Die-ary,

I'm glad I brought you. Kris said something about computers, but it made my head hurt, so I stopped listening to her. Squee's here. He looks kind of nervous. I brought him over about half an hour ago and offered him part of my leftover Pop-Tart, but he didn't want it. Some guy came over this morning. I think he was selling something, but I was distracted by the dead animal on his head. He made some comment about my house being "wacky," so I locked him up down in the first basement level. I'll take care of him when I get back. I'm kind of worried about the wall. I actually called Devi and asked her to take care of it for me, but she hung up. I finally talked her weird friend Tenna into doing it. We're gonna leave now, gotta take a bus to the 24-7.

Tuesday, November 20th, 2001. 12:15 P.M.

Squee's entry: Dear Journal,

Me and Johnny are on a bus right now to the 24-7. I watched him write in his diary earlier, but I don't see how anyone could read that chicken scratch. When Johnny brought me over earlier, he offered me some crumbs of something, but since I'm not sure I really trust him, I told him I already ate. I kept hearing some weird shrieking noise while I was waiting for Johnny to get ready. I think there's a monster under his house. He really scares me.

Love,

Todd

Tuesday, November 20th, 2001. 12:15 P.M.

Kris's entry: 

Well, I'm getting ready for the trip. I'm done packing and am getting ready to go. I can't believe we're actually going to drive across the U.S. … I think I need a Brain Freezy. Anyway, Nny called earlier to confirm the rendezvous point, inform me that he was bringing Squee, and reminded me to bring my toothbrush. I think I'm going to bring a gun too… Wait, how the hell does he pay his phone bill?

Tuesday, November 20th, 2001. 12:20 P.M.

Blair's entry:

Damn Ritz bag… Won't open. Driving across the U.S. is going to make me more insane than I already am. If Gir sings the Doom Song I'll chop his head off… or give him a taco. Yeah… I'll give him a taco. Dib says he'll refrain from putting Zim on an autopsy table just for the road trip. I believed him until I heard metal on metal. The lady beside me is starting to drool on my arm. Must… wipe… ewww…

Tuesday, November 20th, 2001. 12:20 P.M.

Dib's entry: Dear Swollen Eye-Balls, 

Today I will have the perfect chance to prove to the world that Zim is an alien. He will be on a table before we get to the 10th state. I told Blair I was going to be nice to Zim for this trip. I hope she didn't hear the clanking of my alien hunting gear. This Nny she's been talking about might get in my way. He might just… kill me before I trap Zim. Then I would be a failure to Dad, and Gaz would kill me for drinking the last soda, and I wouldn't be on the show anymore and.. Oh, owww… My head hurts. 

Tuesday, November 20th, 2001. 12:23 P.M.

Zim's entry: Computer,

Today, I am to embark on a journey across the United States with a few.. acquaintances. I am very hesitant to go on this trip, as Dib is going as well. I've loaded down my pack with a number of tools and weapons, just in case the disgusting worm-baby tries to pull something. Gir and I are getting ready to proceed to the meeting spot, a small convenience store not far from the base. I am dreading the awful bus ride over.. Perhaps I can convince Gir into just walking. Kris has been speaking of one of the others coming along, a man named Nny. This "Nny" character doesn't sound any too friendly. I-- No, Gir! Get away from that!! GIR! GIIIIR!!!!

--MALFUNCTION--

Tuesday, November 20th, 2001. 12:25 P.M. 

Gir's entry: Deeaar DIARY!!

HII! Me and Master are gonna go on a trip with some people! Right now he's yelling at me for playin' with his knobby-toy thingies. Oh well. I got a suitcase! I put a piggy in it, and some Acne Blast, and a muffin, and a taco. It's still pretty empty, so I think I'll put in some egg salad before we leave. Master's diary is really pretty! It's got all these buttons and shiny things…! But he wouldn't share, not even when I gave him a slice of my pizza.. Oh well. I got aaall these fun songs planned for our trip! It's gonna be so much fuuun! WHOO!


	2. November 21st - Pit Stops

Wednesday, November 21st, 2001. 5:19 A.M.

Nny's entry: Die-ary,

It's reeaal early right now. Everybody else was tired, so I'm stuck with driving for a while, since I don't care much for sleep. It's a little hard to write and drive at the same time, but nobody else seems very worried. I must be doing okay. Then again, they all have their eyes closed, so they can't really see. After everybody got to the 24-7 yesterday, we went and rented an RV. I got to meet some new people. There was this one green kid that looked kinda sick.. but maybe that's just 'cause he's green. Then there was this other kid with a really big head. He talks too much, but I like his hair. Cut kinda like a scythe. There was this little green dog, too, but he wasn't making normal dog sounds.. In fact, he was singing until about one this morning. I'm not actually sure if the green kid is sleeping. His eyes are shut real tight, sorta like he's trying too hard to look.. asleep. I just heard a whimpery noise. I think it was Squee. Yep. Says he had another nightmare. Oh well, I need some cherry doom anyways. I'll just pull over at this little store.

Wednesday, November 21st, 2001. 5:26 A.M.

Squee's entry: Dear Journal,

I just had the horrible-est dream ever! I don't really remember what it was about, except that it was really horrible. Johnny pulled over at a Casey's General Store, complaining about needing a Brain Freezy, and almost everyone went with him. The only people still in the RV are me and some big-headed guy messing with a computer. He scares me. He keeps talking about aliens, and that green kid, Zim. I remember how the aliens did spooky things to my head… The kid said his name is Dib. When I told him my name was Todd, he asked me why Johnny called me Squee. I said I didn't know. I just heard a big noise from outside, kinda like yelling or something… Dib's lookin' out the window to see what happened. I'm scared again.. This is like my nightmare.. Oh wait, I don't remember it. Everyone else is back now… Kris brought me some chips and Blair gave me soda. They're nice.

Love,

Todd

Wednesday, November 21st, 2001. 5:54 A.M.

Kris's entry: 

Ugh.. I'm so unbelievably tired it's not even funny… Nny pulled over at a store because he needed a Freezy. But it's so early..! Curse him for interrupting my blissful unconsciousness. Poor little Squee had a nightmare. Never saw that comin'. Nny tried to comfort him before we got out, but we managed to make him stop his "reassuring" bedtime story. Anyway, the store we happened upon was a Casey's. They don't carry Brain Freezies. That poor, geeky counter guy never saw the knife. Needless to say, Nny was horribly upset. They did have some Cherry Fiz Wiz, though, which made him feel a little better. Blair and I got some snacks for Squee, 'cause he didn't wanna come inside. Good thing. I think Dib creeped him out though, 'cause he stayed as well. Zim's getting suspicious. Blair told me Dib promised to be nice to Zim on this trip, but I have my doubts.

Wednesday, November 21st, 2001. 5:56 A.M.

Blair's entry:

Curse Nny… If he wasn't so cool I'd have to hurt him. He just had to get a Brain Freezy. Damn insomniac. Kris and I got Squee a soda and a bag of chips at the store. Poor kid… Dib must've scared the crap out of him. Talking about aliens and such. Squee doesn't need another crazy person telling him stories. 'Specially one with a gargantuan head. Dib keeps telling me he's going to be friends with Zim. He's a horrible liar. Eyes… shutting. Can't stay awake much longer…

Wednesday, November 21st, 2001. 6:01 A.M.

Dib's entry: Dear Swollen Eye-Balls,

Zim seems to be catching onto what I'm planning. Blair continues to see through my lies as well. Oh well… Suppose I can get Zim on an autopsy table still. Not before we reach the 10th state… maybe 15th. Todd seems to be afraid of me. Maybe that's because I told him of aliens and how Zim's an invader from outer space. Blair told me to stop scaring Squee and to get a life. She also said that if I drink the last soda she'd kill me. I think she hangs around with Gaz too much…

Wednesday, November 21st, 2001. 5:22 P.M.

Nny's entry: Dear Die-ary,

Took us a while to get out of New York, where we started. I think they should drop the "New." 'Cause it's old. We're somewhere in Pennsylvania. I'm not sure where, 'cause Kris is driving now. We finally found a place with Brain Freezies and stopped there for some snacks. But a while after that, we stopped at a Hardee's in Philadelphia, or somewhere. They're food was really greasy and disgusting, so I jumped the counter and went to have a talk with the fry cook. I don't know why they kicked us out. All I did was cut his nose off. It's not like he needed it. Oh well. Everybody fell back asleep after we stopped at Casey's this morning, including me. I can't believe it. I didn't even know I was tired until I woke up with this big tree right outside the windshield. Kris was kinda mad, so she took the wheel for a while. I don't see what the big deal was. I did swerve and miss the tree. Oh well. I was watching that green guy, Zim, when we were at Hardee's. He was sniffing his food and gagging like it was toxic. I like him. I'm pretty sure he put something in it before shoving it onto the big-headed kid, Dib's, plate. Dib ate it, 'cause he was in the bathroom when Zim did it. I wonder if he noticed he ate two hamburgers? 

Wednesday, November 21st, 2001. 5:37 P.M.

Squee's entry: Dear Journal,

I feel bunches better since we stopped at Hardee's. Shmee does too. The hamburgers were so good, I almost ate all of mine! The day was turning out bad before, with my nightmare, the stop at Casey's, and Johnny almost crashing the RV. But meat and Tang made it aaall better! Johnny didn't eat anything at Hardee's. I don't think I've ever seen him eat. Zim didn't eat either. I thought he was going to be sick, with the way he was hacking and gagging. I have a feeling somethin' bad's gonna happen, like a monster's gonna pop out of the toilet when I use the bathroom and eat my butt. I get bad feelings a lot, and Johnny doesn't make them any better. Shmee still thinks he's a bad guy. I'm not really sure.

Love,

Todd

Wednesday, November 21st, 2001. 5:49 P.M.

Kris's entry:

I've just noticed that everyone seems to write in their diaries or journals or whatever around the same time. It's really creepy. Oh well. I went back to sleep after our little surprise stop, but I really regretted it. Nny fell asleep and almost totaled the RV! I suppose that's what I get for trusting him with a vehicle. I really wasn't sure if he knew how to drive, but he fortunately did. The little insomniac is the perfect late night/early morning driver. I'm really starting to worry about Squee. Nny's always telling him some horrific story, Dib won't shut up about aliens, and, as if the poor kid wasn't traumatized enough already, Gir's always trying to get him to sing songs with him. But I think Gir's driving us ALL nuts. I'm worried that Nny's gonna get pissed and put a bullet through his little metal skull. At Hardee's, neither Nny nor Zim ate. Of course, I expected as much. But when Dib went to the bathroom, Zim put something in his burger and slipped it onto Dib's plate. Dib looked a little confused when he came back, but ate it anyway. I hope he'll be okay. Oh, and I'm really not sure why, but we got kicked out of Hardee's. I have a feeling it has something to do with Nny.

Wednesday, November 21st, 2001. 6:10 P.M.

Zim's entry: Computer,

It's been about a day since we began this little escapade. I was almost certain I was going to die this morning when we barely missed a giant woody plant growing up right in front of us. It turns out that "Nny" character wasn't even on the road. No wonder! Why was he driving in the first place?! I don't suppose it matters. Sweet, sweet victory over my rival will finally be MINE! Today, at a fast-burger food store in.. Pheela-delphee-ah… I slipped some of the most deadly substance known to Irkens into my "food" and put it on Dib's platter. Argonian Crystal Cubes will put any Irken in the infirmary ward! I can't wait to see what horrible things they do to that disgusting little stinkbeast! Hm.. haha… AHAHAHAA!!! … Yes, well, I suppose that about sums it up. One more thing.. I'm beginning to feel that I should employ caution around Nny. He seems almost.. homicidal. What he did to the counter slave in that store this morning was hideously grotesque. 

Invader Zim, signing off.

Wednesday, November 21st, 2001. 6:32 P.M.

Gir's entry: DIIIARY!

Hi again! Today was so much fun! We got to go off the road earlier and drive through the forest! That little kid that's always makin' that "squee" sound screamed really loud, so I screamed too. I like him. He's sticky-lookin'. When we went to the restaurant, I took my squeeky moose with me. I didn't even know I brought him! It made me soo happy! I ate three hamburgers, and I think Master didn't feel very good. He put sugar on his food and gave it to Dib. I don't know why. Maybe they're finally friends! Friends give friends sugar. And smallpox. I got to sing today! But nobody would sing with me.. It made me sad and frowny, but I kept singing anyway. I'm gonna go think of some more songs. Bye!!

Wednesday, November 21st, 2001. 6:35 P.M.

Blair's entry: 

Gir's starting to drive me insane. I'll tell Kris to stop by a Taco Smell so I can get Gir a taco to make him shut up. Nny ran us off the road and almost hit a tree. I might kill him soon. We stopped at a burger joint in Philadelphia. Squee looked somewhat happy today. Zim kept gagging and stuff. Dib left to go to the bathroom and Zim slipped some stuff in his food. Dib ate it. I should've told him. Oh well. He's been puking constantly for a while, though… Gir's singing the RV song. I think I'll start threatening to destroy all tacos if he doesn't stop. Nny's yelling at Shmee again. Better go tell him it's an inanimate object. 

Wednesday, November 21st, 2001. 6:45 P.M.

Dib's entry: Dear Swollen Eye-Balls,

Blast that alien scum! Slipping sugary substance thingies into my hamburger… I've been in the bathroom for quite a long time. Zim's getting increasingly suspicious of my sneaking around his bunk. Suppose I should start acting nice, eh? This "Nny" guy is making me nervous. He tells scary bedtime stories to Todd. Todd keeps talking to his bear, Shmee. Maybe it's possessed with an alien soul! I'll go check it out!!


	3. November 22nd - The Bum

Thursday, November 22nd, 2001. 7:41 A.M.

Nny's entry: Die-ary,

Whoo! It's a brand new day. I'm drivin' again. I'm a little surprised Kris let me, but they were all really tired. I promised not to fall asleep this time, but that Zim kid didn't look real comfortable. We're movin' along pretty quick. We're almost outta Pennsylvania, I guess. I'm wiiide awake. We actually found a place with Freezies, so I'm fairly happy. The Dib guy's been throwing up like you wouldn't believe. Must've been that stuff Zim put in his burger. The RV was reeking really bad, but the little dog Gir brought some air-freshener. Smells kinda like toothpaste. I'm starting to wonder why Dib's so sick. I think it was just sugar that was slipped onto his plate. Oh well. I'm getting better at this driving-and-writing-at-the-same-time thing. I had this really great bedtime story planned for Squee tonight, but Blair wouldn't let me tell it to him. Some nerve she's got! It was the perfect story! Oh well. I'm watchin' Squee sleep through the rearview mirror. He looks so cute and peaceful. Wonder what he's dreaming about? We're comin' up to a bridge now. Hey, there's a bum under it! I'm gonna go talk to him.

Thursday, November 22nd, 2001. 8:14 A.M. 

Squee's entry: Dear Journal,

I actually had a wonderful sleep! No nightmares or anything! I had this nice dream about me and Shmee drinkin' Tang. But I woke up when I heard a bunch of yelling. Kris was chewing Nny out for pulling over in the middle of a one-way bridge to talk to a homeless person. I think he did something else too, but no one would tell me anything about it. All I know is that Dib rushed into the bathroom, Zim looked like he was gonna be sick, the little robot was dancing, and there was some red stuff on the floor. Blair took the wheel for a while and Kris cleaned up the mess. Dib was glaring a bunch at Zim when he got out of the bathroom, but Zim just whistled innocently. I kinda wanna go home. 

Thursday, November 22nd, 2001. 8:17 A.M.

Kris's entry: 

Ugh.. Yet another Nny-related accident. Fuck. Nny pulled over this morning on a bridge to talk to the bum living underneath it. It's too early for this kind of shit. Oh well. I woke up when I heard a high-pitched squeal and rushed out of the safety and comfort of the RV. Nny had pulled out his .45 when the bum had asked him for money. There were brains splattered all over the rocks down there, and I saw some float away in the stream. I thought I was gonna hurl. How can Nny stand that kinda stuff? Maybe he has nothing to throw up. I mean, the kid never eats. We're not even to the third state yet and he's killed two people and got us kicked out of a restaurant. Maybe I shouldn't've invited him. But I can't help lovin' him to death. I guess I'll get over it.

Thursday, November 22nd, 2001. 8:21 A.M.

Zim's entry: Computer,

I don't understand why that Dib-human isn't dead yet! All he ever does is go into the bathroom and make these wet, retching sounds, but he never dies! Why?! WHY?!?! *****Sigh* At least Gir's been out of my way. He's got five other people to annoy. Every time Dib walks out of the bathroom, this rank, bitter smell follows him. It's really quite disgusting. But luckily Gir brought some more-pleasant-than-that-but-less-pleasant-than-I-would-like spray.. stuff. It's really helping. I need to devise a more sinister plan of action to eliminate him. I'll have to think about it. I was rudely awakened not long ago by much heated discussion. Nny had done something wrong, again. I almost vomited! The sight of that Earth monkey all hacked and mangled.. Blgh… Dib ran into that bathroom and made some more noises. The youngest child, Todd, was kept away from the gruesome sight. I almost like him. 

Invader Zim, signing off.

Thursday, November 22nd, 2001. 8:30 A.M.

Gir's entry: HEY AGAIN, DIIIIIARY!!!!

It's me! GIIIR! I woke up this morning! That scary Johnny man did somethin' bad to some other human that was under a bridge. I wanna live under a bridge. I'll ask Master about it later. I SAW A MONGOOSE TODAY!!!! While everyone else was lookin' squishy and sick, I was lookin' out the window. And there was a MONGOOSE! I asked Master again if I could be a mongoose/dog, but he still said no. Everyone was complaining about the RV being stanky, so I pulled out my Stink-Be-Gone! I didn't even know I brought it! Just like.. that other thing I brought! It was Mintastic flavored! Mmm.. Now the whooole place smells pretty! I'm gonna go ask Blair for tacos. BYE! I LOVE YOU!!!!!

Thursday, November 22nd, 2001. 8:35 A.M.

Blair's entry:

Dib's feelin' a little better today. He's only puking once every 5 hours so… The RV smells of rotten burgers and shit. I think I'll tell Dib to get better in a bit. I told Nny to not tell Squee any bedtime stories. I think he wanted to blow my head off. Oh well. He was driving again. Nny stopped at a one-way bridge to talk to a bum that lives under the bridge. He blew his brains out after the bum asked for a quarter. Squee stayed in the RV. None of us feel very good after seeing the brains float down the stream and splatter all over the ground. I drove for a while because we don't really trust Nny anymore. Gir's asking me for tacos. I should probably start telling Dib to stop throwing up. 

Thursday, November 22nd, 2001. 8:40 A.M.

Dib's entry: Dear Swollen Eye-Balls.

I'm feeling a bit better today. Not so much after Johnny pulled over and started talking to a bum, then blew his brains out. I think everyone except Todd is feeling quite queasy. Blair just told me to stop throwing up. I think I'll throw up on her next time. We're all going insane. Zim keeps staring at me weird… like I should've died or something. Good thing I ordered another pair of alien handcuffs. And THIS time, Zim doesn't have his little lawn gnomes to zap them away. I hope he can't hear me laughing… His android Gir brought this minty fresh stuff in the RV so it'll stop smelling. I think I'm gonna puke again. The fresh minty-ness is hurting my nose.


	4. November 23rd - Mundane-ness

Friday, November 23rd, 2001. 3:17 P.M.

Nny's entry: Die-ary,

No one's letting me drive, damnit! It's starting to piss me off! Oh well. I guess it gives me time to concentrate on more important things, like thinking up bedtime stories for Squee. Blair told me not to tell him any, but she can't stop me if she's asleep. Or if she's duct-taped to the roof. That reminds me, I _did_ tell Squee a story last night! It was a story about a little boy who walked past a stinking, jock-infested café one day. All the jocks made fun of him, called him a loser, joked about the way he dressed. So the little boy went home and got a shitload of toys and knives and guns and tuna and dealt with the evil twinkies known as jocks! Of course, since I was telling it to Squee, I went into more detail. It was a rather happy story, I think. I'm pretty sure he liked it. We didn't stop much today, just long enough to go through the Taco Smell drive-through for Gir. The more I think about it, I wonder if I'm actually starting to like the little bucket. You wouldn't believe how he scarfs down those rat-ridden tacos. Zim didn't eat. Neither did I. I'm not sure about Dib, since I wasn't paying much attention to him. But I was watching Zim, who was staring at Dib like the bigheaded kid had just survived a stampede of wild boarhounds. I think they're gonna get in a fight. Oh well. Today was really boring. 

Friday, November 23rd, 2001. 3:30 P.M.

Squee's entry: Dear Journal,

Johnny is being really scary. I thought maybe he was over that whole.. scary… thing, but I was wrong, 'cause he told me a bedtime story last night. It gave me LOOOTS of icky nightmares… But luckily, I had Shmee. He made everything aaall better! We stopped at Taco Smell for lunch, 'cause Gir was bouncing all around the RV, makin' splooshy noises. Today was kinda boring… I'm afraid that Dib and Zim are gonna get into a biiig fight. I don't want them to fight. That'd be bad. I can't really think of anything else to write…

Love,

Todd

Friday, November 23rd, 2001. 3:42 P.M.

Kris's entry:

Wow. Today was sooo mundane. Nny didn't kill anyone, Squee had his normal nightmares, and Dib and Zim were giving each other death glares from across the "living room." I knew that whole "I won't fight with Zim" thing was a big fat lie. I KNEW! I heard Dib laughing like a maniac from behind the bathroom door. He's in there a lot nowadays, but I don't think he's going to the bathroom. Or throwing up. I'm pretty sure he put something in the mail today, but I denno what. I have no idea where we are. I haven't driven in a little while, and I really don't care what state we're in. I think I'll just go unconscious for a while.

Friday, November 23rd, 2001. 3:59 P.M.

Zim's entry: Computer,

I must keep this brief. Between Dib, Gir, and Nny, I am fearing for my safety. I must devise something to keep Dib away.. And maybe some sort of tranquilizer for Gir. Although I don't know how it would work in an android… And Nny.. I really don't know what to do about him. I am now convinced he is insane. I could almost swear he never sleeps. And he never eats. This is strange behavior for a human.. But perhaps… Perhaps he's _not_ human! I must go investigate! 

Invader Zim, signing off.

Friday, November 23rd, 2001. 4:07 P.M.

Gir's entry: DIARY!

Today I was bored. Nothin' happened. I found some dustbunnies under the table and showed 'em to that squeeky kid, Squee. He started screamin' and stuff, so I did too. Then somebody threw a taco at me, so I ate it. I don't remember what happened after that. 

Looooove,

GIR!!!

Friday, November 23rd, 2001. 4:10 P.M

Blair's entry:

Zim and Dib keep glaring at each other. I think I'm gonna tell them to stop or I'll decapitate 'em both. I think we're in New Hampshire or something. I haven't been watching the road signs. Gir was bouncing around the RV talking about tacos so we stopped at a Taco Smell for lunch. Nny and Zim didn't eat. Nny never does, though… And I think Zim's allergic to it. Not hard to believe. All that processed food and junk. It's sooooo good though! Sometimes… Squee's been having nightmares… I think Nny told him a bedtime story. I'll beat him up later. I think I'll wake up Kris and make her drive. I need'ta sleep.

Friday, November 23rd, 2001. 4:12 P.M.

Dib's entry: Dear Swollen Eye-Balls,

I'm plotting against Zim once again. This time it won't fail. I'm writing from the bathroom so my sinister laughs are muffled. Everyone looks at me weird when I come out, though. There's nothing wrong with staying in the bathroom almost all day, is there? We stopped at a Taco Smell because Gir was literally jumping off the walls wanting a taco. The insane "Nny" character didn't eat. Neither did Zim. Must be one of those alien thingys. I could make a taco trap! I denno. Todd's been screaming a lot and clutching onto his teddy bear. Nightmares, I'm guessing. Someone's knocking on the door. Gotta go.


	5. December 2nd - Stolen

Tuesday, December 2nd, 2001. 3:24 A.M.

Nny's entry: Dear Die-ary,

I know it's been a long time since I've written in you, but lots of things have been happening. For one, the RV was stolen. Somewhere in.. somewhere, we were stopped at an intersection and I saw this guy walk across the street. Now this wouldn't have been such a big deal if it'd been at a corner, but nooo, the guy just walked right across in BETWEEN the corners! Damn jaywalker!! Obviously, I had to get out and teach him a lesson. I hopped out of the car (I think it was around two in the morning, so no one followed me out) and tackled the guy to the sidewalk, shoving a knife of some sort into every orifice I could find. Apparently he had a gun, but very bad aim. I know I heard a gun shot, and I guess the others did too, since they all came running out of the RV. Well, all except Squee and Dib. I imagine Squee was too scared and Dib was probably in the bathroom. Anyway, by the time they'd pried me off the lifeless body of that jaywalker, the RV was gone and there was a huge pile up under the stoplight; the stray bullet had hit it. After Kris and Blair beat the shit out of me, we went to look for our stolen automovehicle. I was really worried about poor Squee, and I was hoping he'd found the switchblade I'd hidden in his bag. Amazingly enough, we found a little trail of walnut shells that lead us to a rundown Taco Smell in West Virginia. None of us realized it before, but Gir had been in the stolen vehicle as well. The poor thief went insane. I found it all very amusing, myself. Anyway, we've got the RV back, along with our diaries and our three lost.. people. Kris and Blair beat me up again before we set off, so I'm cleaning up some of the wounds as I write. I s'pose I'll go now.

Tuesday, December 2nd, 2001. 4:02 A.M.

Squee's entry: Dear Journal,

The past days have been very scary! I was in the RV all alone with Dib and Gir 'cause everybody else went outside, and somebody came and took us away! He was a big scary man with a spork! When he came inside, I hid in the corner by one of the bunks, Dib just kinda stared, and Gir ran around in little circles. Shmee told me to go set him on fire, but I thought I probably shouldn't. After a looooong time, Gir tackled the man's head and forced him to drive into a Taco Smell parking lot, where we crashed into a really big speed bump. After a few hours, the others showed up on a bus, kicked the man out, and we were back on track., after Johnny got a quick beating. I thought that was kinda mean. I wonder what he did…?

Love,

Todd

Tuesday, December 2nd, 2001. 4:16 A.M.

Kris's entry: 

Goddamnit.. Nny's gone and fucked things up again. Again, I say, AGAIN! He let Squee, Dib, Gir, and our transportation get STOLEN just so he could play Justice Man and kill some friggin' jaywalker! I could've KILLED him, I was so pissed! Of course, I've calmed down now that we've found them. I've never been so proud of Gir in my entire life. Using his insanity to his advantage. And he was smart enough to leave us a trail, though I'm not sure he did it knowingly. Squee's been having brand new nightmares; he keeps waking up and screaming "SPORK!!" Wish there was somethin' I could do for the kid. I was looking around for my misplaced trumpet mouthpiece earlier (Don't know why; I don't play trumpet.) and found a switchblade in Squee's bag. Now come _on_! That SO does not belong to him. Methinks I'll go ask Nny about it.

Tuesday, December 2nd, 2001. 4:44 A.M.

Zim's entry: Computer,

These humans are INSANE! They actually STEAL one another's transportation vessels! It's pure insanity! Gir seems to be intact after the whole I-got-stolen escapade. I suppose that's a good thing. … I suppose. Dib is STILL ALIVE. Why aren't those Argonian Crystal Cubes working?! Is he some kind of invincible super-human or something?! ARGH! I think I'll get back to plotting his downfall.

Invader Zim, signing off.

Tuesday, December 2nd, 2001. 5:02 A.M.

Gir's entry: AHAHA! DIARY!!

I went on a TRIP! It was so fun! There was a big sticky man with plastic silverware who took us to Wehst Vur-jinya. I like him. He had a shiny head. The little squealy kid turned into a statue, I think, 'cause he didn't move at ALL for almost the WHOLE way. Mr. Big-Head looked kinda scared, and he was watchin' our new friend a lot with wide eyes. I danced and ate some of the egg salad I brought. It was green. I feel explody, so I'm gonna go hug Master's ankles. BYE!!!!

LOOOOOOOOOOOOVE,

Gir!!!!!!

Tuesday, December 2nd, 2001. 5:04 A.M.

Blair's entry:

BLEEEEEH!! Damn Nny! Stupid Mr. I-Have-To-Kill-Jay-Walkers-Because-Of-The-Jay-Walky-Ness. Kris and I beat him up, though. 'Twas fun. BUUUUT the RV got stolen with Dib, Gir, and Squee in it. Poor Squee… I think he's even more traumatized than before… The sporky-ness of it all. Freakishly enough, though, Gir somehow saved the day using his insanity powers of DOOM. Cool, ain't it? Dib's in the bathroom again. Squee's tweakin' out. Gir's clinging to Zim. Zim's planning something. Nny's driving. Kris is glaring. We're in West Virginia. Greeeeeeat…

Tuesday, December 2nd, 2001. 5:05 A.M.

Dib's entry: Dear Swollen Eye-Balls,

That Nny character is very interesting. Our RV got stolen with Gir, Todd, and I in it! How spoooooky! The dude had a spork. It was terrifying. I couldn't keep my eyes off him. I think Kris and Blair beat Nny up because he looks… well… beat up. Todd's been having even more nightmares now and I don't think Gir's helping. He keeps bouncing around screaming about the spork. Zim seems very peeved at the moment. He keeps looking at me with this wide-eyed stare, like I'm some sort of super thingy. I'll get him yet! Mwahahaha! Eh… yeah…


	6. December 5th - Ph33r the Corn

Friday, December 5th, 2001. 3:21 P.M.

Nny's entry: Die-ary,

I officially hate Kentucky. There's so much CORN! Fuck! I hate corn! What makes things even worse is the fact that we're out of gas. This translates into being STUCK on a deserted country road with nothing but CORN for miles! Fuck again! Hey, a cow… I'm staying inside so I don't have to look at it. Kris and Blair are outside with Squee. At least he's happy… I think he likes this "fresh country air." I suppose it's better for him than what he's got over in the city. DAMN CORN! GOD! I'm gonna go kill that cow.

Friday, December 5th, 2001. 3:34 P.M.

Squee's entry: Dear Journal, 

I'm kinda scared for Nny… I think he might be going crazy..er. I don't think he likes the countryside at all. I do, though! It's really relaxing. Shmee says it'll be good for me. I'm hoping it'll make some of my nightmares go away. I really don't like sporks… Maybe this little accident will be good for everyone… I just hope the fresh air helps Nny like it did me… 'Cause, even though he's scary sometimes.. a lot… he's nice some other times. And even though his bedtime stories give me bad dreams… it's the thought that counts.

Love,

Todd

Friday, December 5th, 2001. 3:51 P.M.

Kris's entry: 

Wow.. um… Nny is really not in a good mood. Seriously. He's been sulking around in the RV all day, and he just left with a large meat cleaver. I didn't think there was any living thing in this part of the state but us, but… I pity whatever Nny finds. Anyway, we're outta gas. In the middle of nowhere. I'm starting to dislike Kentucky. I have no idea what we're gonna do now… Sigh. This road trip has turned into a complete disaster. Whyyy did I listen to Gir?! Why?!

Friday, December 5th, 2001. 4:03 P.M.

Zim's entry: Computer,

This is awful! We are completely lost, not to mention STRANDED, because of some ignorant short-cut Gir came up with! I cannot BELIEVE Kris actually LISTENED to him! Apparently this "short-cut" leads into the center of a very, very large field of… something. Something green and.. really tall. I think it may even exceed my Almighty Tallest in height…! Even though this is no where near the ideal spot in my mind, the air here does seem a little more sanitary. Why didn't one of those worm-babies bring an extra fuel cell?! ARGH!

Invader Zim, signing off.

Friday, December 5th, 2001. 4:42 P.M.

Gir's entry: DIIIIARY!

I LOVE YOU! AHAHAA! We got to drive into a big bunch of CORN! I love corn! And my short-cut! But the car ran outta gas. … OH WELL! Mr. Skinny Man isn't happy with my short-cut. He went somewhere. When he gets back, I'm gonna give him a BIIIIG hug! *Gasp!* My Spam! Where's my Spam?! I gotta go find my Spam 'fore the MOOSE gets it!

I luuuuv you!

GIR!

Friday, December 5th, 2001. 4:51 P.M.

Blair's entry: 

Great. Just fecking great. No gas, no people, lots of corn. Ooooh, the corny-ness. Nny left to go kill something a bit ago. I wonder what… I didn't think there was anything 'cept us and the corn. Squee seems to be a lot happier. Maybe we should move him out in the country or something. We better find gas or some person or dinosaur bones soon. I hate being stuck out in the country like this. It makes my allergies go crazy and attack meeee… Why couldn't we have just took a little trip to the 24/7 instead of going on a road trip?! Madness, I tell you. Madness! I think the corn's staring at me…I just noticed something… It's December, and there's no snow… The hell..?

Friday, December 5th, 2001. 4:56 P.M.

Dib's entry: Dear Swollen Eye-Balls

This is insane! Zim's little robot thing told Kris to take a short cut, and we just happened to run out of gas. Now, we're stuck in the middle of a cornfield, totally cut off from humanity. The Johnny person left a while ago with a large knife. He's probably killing the last person left in this area. Or he went to kill Zim. That would be horrible, though! **I** have to get him on the autopsy table! Hey… Maybe there're some crop circles here! I'm gonna go find my alien handcuffs and other paranormal gear. Maybe Todd wants to come. He seems open enough to be interested in becoming my assistant investigator. Watch out, Zim! You've got **two** people after you now!


	7. December 9th - Crazily Insane Possessed ...

These hillbillies were brought to you from the disturbed mind of Rocker Baby! Much thanks to you and your scary mind!

Tuesday, December 9th, 2001. 2:15 A.M.

Nny's entry: 

HOLY SHIT! Kentucky just got worse! About an hour after I killed that annoying cow, a mob of angry hicks stormed the RV! Fuck! It was AWFUL! They had pitchforks and torches and moonshine…! Oh man… They climbed all over the RV. One even got inside! Of course, he didn't last two minutes against me and my trusty twelve-inch blade. After I kicked his bloody corpse out the door, Blair hopped behind the wheel and floored it. I think it's safe to say none of us were standing after that. I- … hey, wait a minute. Something's not right… Something's missing… Excuse me, die-ary, I need to go check something.

Tuesday, December 9th, 2001.

Squee's entry: 

No entry.

Tuesday, December 9th, 2001. 2:17 A.M.

Kris's entry:

HILLBILLIES! EVERYWHERE! OH MY HOLY FUCKING SPORK! Nny has ONCE AGAIN managed to fuck things up! You are surprised, no? I didn't think so. He killed some farmer's "precious cow," causing said farmer to tweak out and bring his entire family to kill us! … To death! Fortunately, though, only one made it in, and Nny made short work of him. I suppose even if he _does_ get us into trouble, he always gets us out of it. Anyway, after removing that one hillbilly, Blair grabbed to wheel and practically flew down that dirt road. I _know_ she hit some of those hicks. I heard their screams. And I think she hit a pig too.. and maybe a cow. I denno. I heard a rather loud "MOOOOAAAARGH!" Nny looks troubled… I'mma go see what's goin' on.

Tuesday, December 9th, 2001. 2:33 A.M.

Zim's entry: Computer,

Earth is even more frightening and barbaric than I ever realized before. A large group of very smelly humans with teeth problems stormed our mode of transportation not too long ago, screaming maniacally about a "cow." They had weapons I had never seen before… But luckily, the insane one, "Johnny," kept them out of the vehicle. But enough of that… Why isn't the Dib-human dead?! Why?! It plagues me like.. like… like a plague! Gargh! I must think of more devious modes of attack than those Crystal Cubes, which he apparently has some immunity to.

Tuesday, December 9th, 2001. 2:42 A.M.

Gir's entry: DIARY!!!!

We aaaall made some new friends today! I got a straw hat! And some shiny-moon! And we got to go on a ride! Ms. Blair-Lady drove the RV reeeeal fast! It was fun! Now we're.. umm… somewhere else. I don't see anymore corn. It makes me so sad. I think I'll go eat the taquitos I hid in Master's boots. BYEEEE!!

I LOVE YOU! I DOOO!!!!

Gir

Tuesday, December 9th, 2001. 2:59 A.M.

Blair's entry:

Oooohh… Holy fucking Jeebus. I fecking swear that once I'm done driving I'm going to rip Nny into little tiny pieces! _Why_ did he have to kill that damn cow?! I just **knew** something bad was gonna happen! First we're just sleepin', and next thing you know, there's a bunch of hillbillies trying to kill the RV! They almost got into the RV, but Nny shoved them out. I never thought I could drive sooooo fast. I hit a couple hillbillies, a pig, and a cow. Biiiiig thump! I enjoyed that part. Nothin' like running over a few breathing organisms to start off the day. 'Least the staring corn is gone… Hrm… I can't hear any "squee" sounds… Funny.

Tuesday, December 9th, 2:45 A.M.

Dib's entry: Dear Swollen Eye-Balls,

Holy Bigfoot! This has been the scariest day of my life! Possessed farmers came after us because Johnny killed their prize cow. Oh, the insanity! I didn't even have time to take out my alien-catching camera thing! This is terrible! And Zim keeps looking at me all funny-like… I'm gonna go tell Todd about the alien farmers. 


	8. December 10th - Funky Psycho Powers

Wednesday, December 10th, 2001.

Nny's entry:

No entry for Nny.

Wednesday, December 10th, 2001.

Squee's entry:

No entry for Squee.

Wednesday, December 10th, 2001. 7:28 A.M.

Kris's entry: 

Something strange is going on… Nny wouldn't tell me what was wrong yesterday morning when I asked, and now he's gone as well as Squee. I don't know what to do! Should we keep driving and hope they find us, or should we wait here for them? I think I'mma say "stay here" for now… I know Nny will come back, eventually… But it's Squee I'm worried about. I mean, how old is that kid anyway? Six, seven? Eeeeek. Anyway, what _I_ wanna know is how the hell we sped down that old country road with NO GASOLINE. Much confusion plagues my head. I'm gonna go eat some tuna.

Wednesday, December 10th, 2001. 7:36 A.M.

Zim's entry: Computer,

The vehicle seems strangely empty today. No skinny insane man, no small screaming child. We seem to've stopped as well, yet I have no idea how we were _going_, since we were out of fuel. Peculiar. Gir's been running around and acting more insane than usual… I'm beginning to wonder whether the Tallest really meant it when they said he was advanced.

Wednesday, December 10th, 2001. 7:42 A.M.

Gir's entry: AAAAH! DIARY!

My friend with the squealy voice is GONE! I miss him! AND HE TOOK MY CHEESE! My CHEESE!!! *Sniffle* I'll just hafta eat this pickleloaf instead. Ooh, mold! I wonder if there's any Poop Cola on this thing?! I NEED POOP! Wheeere's the Poop?! *'Nother sniffle* I'm hungry.

I love you! YES! I DO!

Gir

Wednesday, December 10th, 2001. 7:45 A.M.

Blair's entry:

Wow… I didn't know I had super mind-control thingies that worked on engines! That was cooooool… Once we got to a gas station, though, it kinda… died. Nny and Squee are missing. I think Squee got thrown off the RV when I floored it with my mind. Nny might've gone to look for him. Lovely… Squee probably landed on a bunch of pointy rocks. Gir's been insanely hyper today… and that's pretty hyper. I think Dib's in the bathroom again. I don't know why. He's not sick anymore. Probably sending messages out to his little group thing. I'm gonna go get gas. It's suffocating in here. And Gir's whining about Poop. I might go get him a can or something. 

Wednesday, December 10th, 7:47 A.M.

Dib's entry: Dear Swollen Eye-Balls,

I have been in the bathroom stall for a little over an hour running tests on the RV. Yesterday when Blair took the wheel and drove like the wind, we weren't running on gas. I have my suspicions that Zim some how took control of the RV, trying to run us into a barn. Fortunately for us, Blair has better control over the RV than that supposed alien genius. I think I heard Kris saying something about Nny and Todd being gone. I hope Todd makes it back. Nny can disappear… He's getting in the way of my super secret plans! What those are, I don't know, but I know I have them!


	9. December 12th - Hello Squee, Goodbye Shm...

Friday, December 12th, 2001. 5:26 P.M.

Nny's entry:

Oookay, SO much shit has happened since I last wrote in you, die-ary… After we were free from the hickabillies, I noticed something was amiss: Squee was nowhere to be found. So, naturally, I had to go look for him. I mean, I couldn't just leave little Squeegee all… gone and not here. So anyway, I grabbed my favorite knife (I like to call him the Crusty Avenger) and slipped out whilst everyone was sleeping. I stood outside for awhile and thought, "If I was a small child, where would I go?" But then I remembered I had no idea what it was like to be a small child and just marched off in some random direction. I mean, how far could he've gotten? Well, after wandering around for several hours, going in numerous circles, and finding what I believe was an abysmal hole to Hell, I heard a familiar whimpering sound. Needless to say that, after I followed it into a forest, I found little Squeegee, all huddled up under a tree and clutching that damn bear to his chest. He looked up at me with those big, tear-filled eyes and actually seemed _happy_ to see me. Heh. Anyway, I helped him up and asked him how he got out here. He just sorta started whimpering again, clutching that bear tighter, and that's when I knew: that fucking bear. I always KNEW he was shit! Somehow, he did this. So I looked down at Squee and I said, "I think I need to talk to Shmee in private." He reluctantly handed me the stuffed toy and I walked farther into the woods after instructing Squee to stay put. Interrogating the bear didn't really help; I don't think he talks much. So I just took out the lighter I always carry in my boot, set that fucking bear on fire, and tossed him over the edge of conveniently close cliff. Of course, the first words out of Squee's mouth when I got back were, "Where's Shmee?" "He needed a little vacation," I told him. He frowned a little, gave a quiet "Okay…" and then we walked back to the RV. All is right with the world once more!

Friday, December 12th, 2001. 5:43 P.M.

Squee's entry: Dear Journal,

I'll never run away again. I knew that was a bad idea. The other day, Shmee and I were talkin'… He told me that I should run away, 'cause all the people I was with were bad. I didn't think so, but he just kept telling me that, so I finally said all right. I packed my bag and snuck out when nobody was paying attention, then I just ran and ran for a long time… I finally ended up in a forest, and that's when I really realized what a bad idea this all was. I cried for a while… I was really scared, and I missed everyone. Even Johnny. I hated being alone. Even Shmee was silent. After a while, I thought I heard something, and when I looked up, Nny was there. I almost hugged him, but then I decided that prob'ly wasn't the best idea. He asked me how I got here, but I didn't tell him Shmee told me to run away, 'cause I knew he'd hurt him… I don't think Shmee really wanted me to be sad and lost and stuff. But Johnny said he wanted to talk to Shmee alone, so I let him. He came back by himself and told me that Shmee needed a vacation, then we walked back to the RV, and Kris and Blair hugged me and gave me stuff. I don't ever wanna run away again. Ever.

Love,

Todd

Friday, December 12th, 2001. 5:52 P.M.

Kris's entry:

Squee's back! Yaaay! I really missed the kid and his screams of terror. So cute. When him an' Nny got back, lil' Squee was showered with affection! … 'Least from me and Blair. So cute, he is! So cute!!! Anyway though, when we asked him where he'd been and why he left and stuff, he just kind of looked down at the floor while Nny told us to leave him alone. Sooo… I denno. But who cares? I mean, he's back, right? And he's safe now, right? Right??

Friday, December 12th, 2001. 6:11 P.M.

Zim's entry: Computer,

Well, the two missing humans are back. Er… hooray. But that's not important. I think I may've finally found a way to get rid of Dib! I've _actually_ made contact with some of my fellow Invaders! There is a group of rogue Invaders on Hobo 13 who have agreed to assist me if I come and rescue them from that miserable "training" planet. Victory! Victory for Zim! This shall certainly be Dib's downfall. Now then, I must go somewhere more... private to release my insidious laughter! TO THE ROOF!

Invader Zim, signing off.

Friday, December 12th, 2001. 6:13 P.M.

Gir's entry: YAY!

Master called some friends on.. uhh… a planet! And they're comin' to visit! Yaaaay! One of them is my friiiiend Naz! I think she liiiikes Master. *Giggle* The squealy kid is back. I'm gonna go put chicken in his ear. BYE!

Looooooooooooooove,

GIR!!!!!

Friday, December 12th, 2001. 6:17 P.M.

Blair's entry:

I don't think I've ever been so happy to see Nny. I could've given him a huuuuuuge hug type thing, but he might've killed me. He found Squee! Yay! Oh, the joy and happiness of it all! Me and Kris gave him biiiiig hugs. I think he might've lost Shmee, though… Damn evil bear. I hope he burns in Holy Heck! Bwahahahahaha.. ha.. ha.. Uhm.. yeah. Zim just went up to the roof. I hear mad laughter. I hope it rains on him. Dib's been sitting in his bunk the whole time fiddling with something. I'm gonna go see what he's doin'. Better not be making something to catch Zim.

Friday, December 12th, 2001. 6:23 P.M.

Dib's entry: Dear Swollen Eye-Balls,

Why must Blair be so nosy?! She's always questioning me about what I'm doing. It's like she thinks I'm doing something to catch a certain green alien. And she's right. But I won't let her know this! I've just completed my greatest invention. The Wet-Muffin Tosser 3000¼! It'll stop Zim right in his tracks! Now he'll see who the superior race is! This device will change the world of paranormal studies as we know it! I'm gonna go show Todd. Maybe he'll want to help me cover the alien scum-bag with muffin wetness!


	10. December 16th - Project Hobo 13: Almost ...

Tuesday, December 16th, 2001. 8:04 A.M.

Nny's entry: Die-ary,

You'll never believe this, but… I got a speeding ticket. A _speeding_ ticket. _I_ got a _speeding_ ticket. Fuck you, Illinois! But that patrolman won't be giving out anymore tickets. Heh. Not with that knife in his chest. But anyway, yeah. We're in Illinois. And after that ticket, my driving privileges have been revoked. Fook. Like Blair and Kris have never gotten tickets. Anyway, that green kid, Zim, has been acting a little weirder than usual lately. He's been going up to the roof almost every night. But who cares. 

Tuesday, December 16th, 2001. 8:16 A.M.

Squee's entry: Dear Journal,

It sure is good to be back. I do kinda miss Shmee though… But I suppose it's better he's gone. That way he can't talk me into doing anymore things I don't wanna do. It's just kinda weird not having him here, though. He's always been here… And now it's kinda like there's some sort of.. void or something. I denno. I'm gonna go drink Tang with Gir.

Love,

Todd

Tuesday, December 16th, 2001. 8:23 A.M.

Kris's entry:

Argh… Why am I awake again? Oh yeah… Driving. 'Cause Nny got a fucking ticket. Hooray for him. I'm surprised the entire police department isn't on our tail since he killed that cop. Then again, Nny has a funny way of getting away with things. Speaking of funny (and I don't mean "ha ha" either), Zim's been actin' strange lately. Well.. y'know… more strange than he normally does. He makes frequent trips to the RV's roof (God knows how he manages to stay up there when we're driving), but refuses to answer any questions asked about it. It's kinda like how Dib spends all that time in the bathroom. Eh, oh well. He's probably just trying to come up with another insane plan to get rid of Dib. Tch. Like it'll work.

Tuesday, December 16th, 2001. 8:31 A.M.

Zim's entry: Computer,

I've done it! The Invaders on Hobo 13 and I have arranged a time for me to come and "save" them. Tomorrow evening, I shall summon the Voot Cruiser to the roof, where I'll be waiting with Gir, and then we'll travel to Hobo 13, pick up the rogues, and come back. The Cruiser is loaded with a variety of weaponry, enough to start a full-blown.. um.. little war... thing. BWAHAHAHAA! Dib will soon meet his horrible.. meaty… cornfed.. meal… What was I saying? Cornfed fate!! CORNFED FATE!!! AHAHAA! *Giggle* Gir, be quiet! You'll get us noticed! Now, off for some last minute planning!

Invader Zim, signing off.

Tuesday, December 16th, 2001. 8:34 A.M.

Gir's entry: Aww maaaan Diary,

Master's not very good at makin' scary words. When I told him about Dib's cornfed fate, he told me to go write in you. So I did! YAY! Me an' Master are gonna go get his friends tomorrow! Le'see, there's Naz (KISSY-KISSY!), Tak (I like her, she's funny!), and Jek (he's my friend too!)!! We gonna have SOO much fun! WHEE! Ooh, Mister Squealy wants to drink Tang with me. BYE!!!

LOOOOVE,

GIR!!!!

Tuesday, December 16th, 2001. 8:38 A.M.

Blair's entry:

Good GOD. Does Nny have to screw everything up?! Why can't he just drive the right speed limit?! It's not like we're in a hurry or anything… And he just had to kill the cop. Jeebus… So, now, me and Krissy have to drive. That means less sleep for both of us. Which means cranky women. And nothing is worse than a pissed off me. Except boy bands. And pink… thingies. Sigh… This little road trip is becoming worse than I thought it would be. I think I'll go take over for Kris now. Nny's staring at me, too. It's scary.

Tuesday, December 16th, 2001. 8:45 A.M.

Dib's entry: Dear Swollen Eye-Balls,

The Johnny person has once again gotten us into trouble. First, he went far above the speed limit and a police person came after us. After we were pulled over, Johnny hopped out of the RV and killed the cop. I think he did, anyway. When he came back, he had blood splattered on his face and such. Zim has been going up on the roof a lot lately. I don't think he's just up there to enjoy the wind and get bugs crushed onto his weird green face, either. I think he's up to something. Every time he's up there, we all hear loud, maniacal laughter. His robot was saying something about a "cornfed fate." I'm going to go investigate.


	11. December 19th - Food is for losers! ... ...

Sorry for the lack of updates to.. um... everything, but I've had a bit of writer's block. Yes. Writer's block. I HATE YOU! FOOK! Oh well… I think it's going away. I'm workin' on the next chapter of "Christmas Party" too… And some original stuff I might post… sometime. Thanks too all of you who actually wanna read this crap! Especially after this long-ass wait! I love you guys!

Friday, December 19th, 2001. 9:20 P.M.

Nny's entry: Die-ary,

Everyone's all whiny and complaining about food… it's really annoying. Well, except for Zim and Gir. And me, obviously. They're all whiny because there doesn't seem to be anywhere to eat. Everywhere we've stopped has said they were "out of food." It's like some sort of weird… plague-ie thing or something. I think they're lying, though. They just don't wanna serve us. Well, the next place we stop, I'm gonna get out and go see for myself, just so everyone will shut up. Their agonized moaning is really starting to get on my nerves. Especially Kris. She's always all, "I'm hungry, I'm hungry, I'm hungry! Stop here and see if they have anything! STOP OR I'LL EAT YOUR BRAINS!" Fook! She's really annoying right now. But I don't doubt that she WILL eat my brains if we don't find food soon. Oh well. I don't think they'd taste that good anyway. 

Friday, December 19th, 2001. 9:29 P.M.

Squee's entry: Dear Journal,

This is really not a good week… I'm very hungry… But I don't think I'm as hungry as Kris, Blair, and Dib, 'cause sometimes Gir gives me food stuff. I'm not really sure I should be eating anything he gives me, but it kinda doesn't seem that important when you're starving. Oh, and I've got Tang. *Nods* That helps. Well, I'm gonna go talk to- … Oh yeah, he's gone. I miss Shmee…

Love,

Todd

Friday, December 19th, 2001. 9:34 P.M.

Kris's entry:

YAAARGH! I'm so fucking hungry! Oh man… And tired. All this hungryness has made me very, very tired. I bet Gir's got some food somewhere, I really do… I mean, he's GIR for crying outloud! I would've eaten Nny's brains already, but I'm too weak with non-foody-ness. And besides, someone has to drive. Zim's fine, surprise surprise… Curse his stupid Irken-ness. I really need to ask Nny how he can do that whole "lookit me, I don't need food" thing. There's one good thing about this: um… okay, I lied. There's nothing good about this. MAN!

Friday, December 19th, 2001. 9:43 P.M.

Zim's entry: Computer,

Two nights ago, I snuck up to the roof while everyone was sleeping (excluding the driver, Blair, who wasn't really paying attention, and Nny, who doesn't seem to care), called the Cruiser, and went to Hobo 13 to commence phase two of my brilliant plan. Tak and Jek both had some sort of transportation ready, but Naz had to ride with me… Nngh… Anyway, the three of them (and myself, of course) managed to build a large sort of "trailer" and attached it to the back of the RV, cleverly hidden with a cloaking device. One much better than what was on the Megadoomer… Grr… They're staying there until we've better formed (and agreed on) the plan. Beside the point, something odd seems to be going on… All the food seems to have vanished. This doesn't affect me in the least, of course, and I revel in watching the filthy Dib-human squirm with the hunger. Heh.. heheh… BWAHAHAHA!! SUFFER, DIB! SUFFER LIKE NEVER BEFORE! Then just wait until the plan is ready… Then you shall TRULY SUFFER! Um.. some more… and.. stuff. Look, Master! They were getting' bored in the trailer, so I brought 'em in! Gir, no! 

Invader Zim, signing off.

Friday, December 19th, 2001. 9:54 P.M.

Gir's entry: WHEEHOO!

Me and Master went on a trip the other night and got our friiiends! Tak, Naz, and Jek! Yaaaay! Master made 'em stay in an invisible trailer thingie out back, but they were gettin' kinda bored, so I brought 'em aaaall inside and introduced them to everyone! Dib remembers Tak. He made some squishy noises, and she made that annoying laugh-ie sound. Master yelled at me. I guess he was just so happy I got the idea to bring all his friends inside! Isn't that nice?! I wish I had food. … Oh, I do! TACOS! WHEEHEEHEEHOO! I'm gonna go eat stuff! BYE!!!

Loooooove,

GIR!!!!!

Friday, December 19th, 2001. 9:58 P.M.

Blair's entry:

Ohhhh Goooood… Why isn't there any food around here?! It's like it was all transported from the RV and into some… other… place. And it just so happens that all the places around here are totally, completely, absolutely out of food! Nothing! Not even a BEAN! Gargh… Gir's got tacos and stuff, but I'm scared to eat 'em. Some of Zim's friends are here. I think Gir let them in. Dib's makin' all these funny sounds. He keeps lookin' at a little corner by his bunk. I think that's where he keeps his paranormal shit. They don't even look like aliens. Stupid person. Should be smarter, 'specially with the big head. Oh, look… He's running to the bathroom… again.

Friday, December 19th, 2001. 10:03 P.M.

Dib's entry: Dear Swollen Eye-Balls

I can't believe that I never caught Zim teleporting his alien contacts to our transportation! Apparently they have been hidden in a pod connected to the back of the RV. I remember one of them. Tak. She was about to pull something on me, when I suddenly managed to escape to the bathroom at the right moment, catching her totally by surprise! Gir keeps yelling for me to come out and play with his piggy. Aaaahh… Piggy… No… Not the piggies!


	12. December 21st - The Stuffed One Returnet...

Sunday, December 21st, 2001. 11:06 A.M.

Nny's entry: Die-ary,

… Holy SHIT. Okay, today we were at this HUGE mall, right? Man, I hate malls… Anyway, we were there, shopping and whatnot (almost Christmas, y'know), and we walked by this toy store. I glanced over at the window display, and what do I see sitting there amidst all the fake snow? _That fucking bear!_ I stopped dead in my tracks and just _stared_ at it for the longest time. I could swear it was staring at me, mocking me with that sadistic grin… FOOK! And of course, with me staring at it like that, Squee looks over and sees it… Never seen his face light up like that before. He looked up at me with the biggest smile, and I couldn't help but go in and get that evil thing for him, even though my mind screamed in protest. Oh well… I suppose I can give it a second chance… But if ANYTHING happens to little Squeegee, I'm ripping that thing to pieces, lighting the whole lot on fire, and sprinkling the ashes over the crater of a volcano. That should keep it away. Oh yeah, it seems like the food plague kinda.. went away. I guess. The mall had a whole shitload of disgusting, greasy foods. At least they stopped whining.

Sunday, December 21st, 2001. 11:13 A.M.

Squee's entry: Dear Journal,

You'll never b'lieve this, but we went to the mall today and I found Shmee! He was for sale inside this toy store! Wow, I just can't believe it! Johnny even went in and got him for me! Wasn't that nice of him? I really missed Shmee, and I'm so glad he's back. And he hasn't told me to do anything bad since I got him back either. I'm so happy! And the food's back! So I'm even happier! The new people Gir brought into the RV are kinda weird… When we stopped at the mall, they and Zim wanted to just stay in the RV, but Dib insisted that they come with us. He's kinda weird. But I s'pose I already knew that.

Love,

Todd

Sunday, December 21st, 2001. 11:15 A.M.

Kris's entry:

Yaaaay, mall! I love the mall! I'm in a reeeally good mood.. I denno why… Probably all those little sugar cubes Gir put in my tea at lunch. Yeah, LUNCH. I think the mall stole all the food.. then… um.. I denno. Nny was all.. freakin' out an' stuff at the mall, then he went into a store and got somethin' for Squee… It looked like Shmee. I was wonderin' where that little bear was… Oh well. Dib went nuts when Zim said he and his "friends" were gonna stay in the RV instead of comin' in with us and ended up half dragging him inside. It was funny. Dib's been really paranoid lately. He's met that Tak chic before, it seems like. Eh. I don't really care. Zim has some weird friends…

Sunday, December 21st, 2001. 11:17 A.M.

Zim's entry: Computer,

I HATE YOU, DIB! GAAARGH! We had the PERFECT chance to go over the plans in SECRET when we stopped at the mall; the four of us (myself and the rogue Invaders) were going to stay inside the RV and plot. But of course, DIB had to stage a violent protest and practically DRAG me into that filthy place! RRRH! I HATE HIM SO MUCH! I hope to finish the plan soon so I can be rid of him forever. He's really starting to annoy me… more. I guess we'll just have to continue our meetings in the trailer-pod, with Dib probably listening at the connector door… 

Invader Zim, signing off.

Sunday, December 21st, 2001. 11:23 A.M.

Gir's entry: AHAHAA!

I got lotsa new toys today! I GOT A MOOSE! A MOOSE! I LOVE MY MOOOOSE! *Squeek!* And.. umm.. oh… MOOSE! Master got mad at Dib today. Uh-huh. But Dib was bein' so nice! Playin' "Drag Your Friend Over the Asphalt" with Master! Isn't that nice?! I KNOW! I'm gonna go show Jek my MOOSE! BYE!

I LOVE YOU SO MUCH! **SO MUCH!!!**

Sunday, December 21st, 2001. 11:26 A.M.

Blair's entry:

Yay! Mall! And food! So happy! If I had grace I'd dance! …No, not really. I hate dancing. Yep. Nny's kinda freaked out when we walked by this toy store. Squee got all happy, though, so our resident murderer had'ta go in and buy the teddy bear that Squee just looooooved. It's scary. Zim's all pissy right now. So're his friends. I think it's 'cause Dib forced Zim to bring 'em into the mall. Dib's happy, though. That's good. S'long as he isn't trying to do somethin' stupid-like. Hrm… I wonder if there's any Dippin' Dots around here…

Sunday, December 21st, 2001. 11:29 A.M.

Dib's entry: Dear Swollen Eye-Balls

Ahahahaha! At last, I have foiled Zim's plan to rule the mall! By dragging the alien scum and his Irken contacts into the shopping center, I made it totally impossible to complete the plotting of the destroying and conquering of the Mall of America! Wow! And, I can safely say, that Zim is none too happy about this. I guess he's finally realizing who the superior being is! Now that I have saved the day once again, I'm gonna go have toast!

Lookit! I updated! Yaaay! Aren't chu happy?! Nah, din think so. Oh well. Anyway, I started ANOTHER new fic! I really need to stop doing that though… *Looks over at the huge pile of half-finished fics in the corner* Um… yeah. It's called Reversed, and it's over in the Zim section. Go read it if you're bored or somethin'. Buh-bye.


End file.
